BIRTHDAY REFLECTION John 5:1-9

“One man was there, who had been ill for thirty-eight years.”

After this there was a feast of the Jews, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem.

² Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, in Hebrew called Beth-za′tha,^[a] which has five porticoes. ³ In these lay a multitude of invalids, blind, lame, paralyzed.^[b] 5 One man was there, who had been ill for thirty-eight years. ⁶ When Jesus saw him and knew that he had been lying there a long time, he said to him, “Do you want to be healed?” ⁷ The sick man answered him, “Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is troubled, and while I am going another steps down before me.” ⁸ Jesus said to him, “Rise, take up your pallet, and walk.” ⁹ And at once the man was healed, and he took up his pallet and walked.  

This evening during Eucharistic Adoration and Benediction, I read this passage, in preparation for my birthday tomorrow. The choice was not spontaneous, because I had consulted with the Holy Spirit beforehand. I had expected to be directed to thanksgiving passages but no, He had a different idea. With an open mind, I responded, curious to know where He was leading me to.

When the Tabernacle opened, I burst into tears…

O Saving Victim opening wide

The Gate of Heaven to man below

Our foes press on from every side

Thine aid supply, Thy strength bestow!

To Thy great Name be endless praise

Immortal Godhead One in Three

Oh grant us endless length of days

In this Thy Native land with Thee. Amen!

There in the presence of uncountable angels and saints (I imagined what they looked like because I knew they were there), I saw Jesus in Jerusalem, hidden inside the Sacred Host. 

My God; my Lord; my Saviour; my Maker; my Joy; my All! 

You are the sole object of my longing, of my quest…morning, noon and night I pine for you ceaselessly. Oh wonderful privilege! What have I done to merit Thee Oh my God…my Love my Prince my King…

I wept and wept…

How many years Oh Lord hast Thou reached out to me with the warmth of Thy Love?

As I read the passage right before Him, I saw my entire life represented in the multitude of ailments described therein. My life of sin had weakened and deformed the beautiful life of grace I received at Baptism. I have indeed been blind to the Truth of God’s compassionate love. My spiritual life is suffering from the paralysis of a lukewarm faith and my life of virtue is but a lame duck. 

I thought of so many idle words that were better not said, so many thoughts that had no charity in them, so many times I acted as though I was better than others. Oh how lazy I have been with the business of my salvation! How hypocritical I have been at times.

Yes I see myself in the man who has been sick for (more than) thirty-eight years! 

Lord Jesus, today you have noticed me in a special way once again. You know that I have been sick for so long. What hast Thou to say to me Lord? Speak for Thy handmaid listens to Thy sweet voice. “Do I want to be healed”? You ask. Yes Lord I do want to be healed. I have no other hope but Thee, and with Thee I have no need of anyone else. Thou art the healing stream, Thou the sweet unction of my soul. HEAL ME.

Today I come to the end of a chapter in my life and tomorrow another year begins. I thank you Lord, for though you were angry, your anger has abated and you console me with renewed hope in your never-ending Mercy.

My Jesus I commend myself to Thy Providence.

“Thou knowest Lord how very weak I am

And now I fear to stray;

For strength to serve I look to thee alone

Thy strength You must supply.

I will, I will, I will God helping me I will Oh Lord be Thine

Thy precious blood was shed to purchase me

I will be wholly Thine.”

DOMINA MEA

To thee O holy Mary
My sovereign Queen

To thy blessed trust and special care

And to the bosom of thy mercy

This day and every day and at the hour of my death

I commend myself, my soul and my body

To thee I commit all my hopes and all my consolations

My distresses, my miseries, my life and the end thereof

That through your most holy intercession and through your merits

All my works may be directed and disposed according to thy will

And the will of thy Divine Son. Amen